Thank you to everyone who responded to last week’s article on the “Global Ripple Effect.” I was inspired by the thoughtfulness of your replies, and I wanted to take the time to address one in particular.
Julian R., who came through The Process and has since become cadre and a good friend, shared some valuable insights. I think he’d be into a public back-and-forth. You can read his full response, along with some others, here.
In his response, Julian wrote:
“The things you mentioned as wounds have likely been part of human societies throughout history, perhaps used to foster group cohesion or serve the greater good of small communities. This makes me wonder if the issue is one of scale – what works in smaller groups may wound in larger, globalized societies.”
Julian raises an important point about the role of emotions like shame, guilt, and rejection in smaller communities, and whether they become harmful as societies scale up.
I also agree that these emotions aren’t inherently negative. They become damaging when they shape long-term behavior and decision-making.
When Shame and Guilt Are Helpful
Shame, guilt, and rejection can be powerful catalysts for personal growth. When we feel guilt after making a mistake, it prompts us to reflect, correct our behavior, and avoid repeating the same error.
Similarly, the discomfort of rejection can motivate us to reassess our actions, helping us adapt and develop socially. In smaller, tight-knit communities, these emotions helped regulate behavior and maintain order, ensuring that social norms were followed.
Historically, these emotions acted as moral and social correction tools, nudging individuals toward alignment with the values of their community. Shame, for example, signaled that someone had stepped out of line, while guilt inspired personal responsibility. In this sense, these emotions were useful for both individual growth and community cohesion.
By the way, I’m sure you know but I’m definitely not a therapist. These are my thoughts and observations on the subject – coming from someone who’s spent time thinking about these things, not giving out professional advice. So take what works for you, leave what doesn’t, and always trust your own judgment when it comes to handling emotions.
I believe the real issue arises when emotions like shame and guilt move beyond their short-term purpose and become long-lasting emotional habits. When these feelings are allowed to dominate our inner lives, they start shaping our decisions and actions over the long term, often to our detriment.
When we live in a constant state of shame or guilt, these emotions erode our sense of self-worth. They stop being momentary prompts for self-improvement and begin to define how we see ourselves.
I believe if we make too many decisions from a place of shame or fear of rejection, our choices are no longer driven by clarity or integrity, but by avoidance and self-protection. And this can lead to a pattern of decision-making that harms individual personal growth, relationships, and health.
If you’re someone who constantly feels guilty about past failures. Instead of using guilt as a tool for self-improvement, you might avoid taking risks or pursuing new opportunities altogether, trapped by the fear of future failure and embarrassment.
In this way, guilt transitions from being a constructive emotion into something that stifles growth and development.
On a societal level, habitual shame and guilt can have broader consequences which is what I find really interesting. While these emotions may have worked to enforce social cohesion in small, homogeneous communities, just like any tool, they can cause harm when used in modern, diverse societies.
Repeated use of shame or guilt to control behavior can reinforce inequality, perpetuate harmful power dynamics, and foster social division.
I know that Julian is in NO WAY championing shame as a form of mind control – but I want to go here because it’s an interesting rabbit hole. 
Take a look at marketing. The constant use of shame and guilt has created a Western culture of fear and conformity.
People everywhere, every day are coerced into upholding outdated social norms, not because they believe in them, but because they fear rejection or judgment. We see this eroding authenticity, and artistry, leaving people disconnected from themselves and from each other.
e.g. Why do so many of us who are interested in the tactical arts wear neutrals? We’re not constantly in need of camouflaging ourselves. I’m guilty of this as well. Are we afraid of standing out? Just something to think about.
It’s also interesting to consider that shame, guilt, and rejection are not universally experienced in the same way across all cultures.
Some societies rely heavily on these emotions to maintain order, while others view them as destructive forces to be minimized.
What works as a social tool in one culture can be harmful in another, which highlights the importance of context when we’re talking about emotions.
The key then might be recognizing when shame and guilt are useful for prompting personal growth, and when they become unhealthy emotional habits.
Emotions like shame and guilt should act as temporary signals.
They are important brief moments that could encourage self-reflection and learning. However, I really believe that if they’re allowed to drive long-term behavior and decision-making, that’s when we create systemic problems that are really difficult to untangle.
When we begin making decisions based on a habitual fear of rejection, guilt, or shame, we lose sight of what really matters: acting from a place of authenticity, self-awareness, and integrity.
So to wrap this up, I feel that to be far-sighted leaders, we need to prioritize recognizing when these emotions have outlived their usefulness to break the cycle of habitual emotional patterns that might ripple out in unintentional ways.
Cheers,
Jeff Depatie
Chief Course Architect,
www.thespecialforcesexperience.com
Founder, www.artofadversity.com