Our reactions to situations, our daily habits, our mental processes are so deeply engrained. Changing how we do things can be hard and other than the lived experience of knowing this to be true, here are some stats.
- In 2022 alone, over 85,000 self-help titles were published in the U.S.
- In 2020, the global self-development market (which is all about changing for the better) was valued at approx. $11 billion in 2020 and has grown significantly since
The market is acknowledging we have a problem with changing given the number of “solutions” out there. And with so many books, gurus, seminars, and even newsletters like this, we now also have a problem with figuring out the best way to change.
Now, at the risk of sounding like I alone have the answer… I really do. But I didn’t make it up. It’s an ancient practice. It’s called contemplation.
I discovered it after leaving the military, feeling directionless. The structure that had defined my life was gone, and I felt adrift, and although excited about my future, I was uncertain about what to do next.
I didn’t have much of a network back then who I wanted to turn to for advice, and I knew I had the answers in me somewhere. So contemplation was my tool.
Contemplation can seem paradoxical because it involves embracing stillness and non-action to address feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, or restlessness. These are states that often drive us to seek solutions through action and problem-solving.
The paradox lies in the fact that, instead of trying to “fix” the problem directly, contemplation encourages us to let go of control and just… observe.
If you read my article on the Mechanics of Insight, it explains how that works.
When I “discovered” contemplation, it was instinctual and I didn’t have a describable process for it until I came across the book Art of Contemplation by Richard Rudd.
He explains that through the act of “cultivating pauses” we enter into a naturally unfolding 3-phased process: Pausing, Pivoting and Merging.
And by naturally unfolding I mean the process happens as if it’s instinctual. The only conscious choice we need to make is to pause.
Here’s the breakdown:
Pausing is the first phase. It involves taking a step back to observe your inner and outer experiences without reacting, creating a moment of stillness and clarity. This could be a pause of 5 seconds to start.
- For example, if you have a nicotine addiction. Just notice what you’re feeling before you reach for that fix. And you can go ahead with your pattern. But over time, the pauses become longer and longer.
- Pause enough times and you’re rewarded with mental insight.
Pivoting is the second phase. It’s about shifting your perspective or mindset, allowing new insights and emotional clarity to emerge.
- Using that last example, you might get the mental insight that you smoke or vape when you’re feeling understimulated and that makes you feel anxious. The mental insights alone mean something. But they’re not everything. You can still continue on with your pattern but now sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you pivot.
- Pivot enough times and you’re rewarded with emotional breakthrough
Merging is the last phase, where the insights and shifts become part of your daily life, leading to deeper self-awareness and transformation.
- Again, using our example, your pivots increase in number. You learn to sit with understimulation and even start to enjoy it. Old habits start to fade. You’re starting to take away their power. You body doesn’t need the coping mechanism anymore.
- Merge enough times and you’re rewarded with a physical epiphany. You’ve rewired yourself and your pattern has changed.
As I’m writing this out, I realize that these words aren’t conveying the magnitude of what the simple act of pausing can do for your life. But for me, this is at the core of what “doing the work” means.
The art of contemplation can help us transform our minds into allies instead of sources of stress and worry.
I encourage you to learn more because this short article doesn’t explain the “how-to’s” that are in Rudd’s book which I’ve linked to below.
Cheers,
Jeff Depatie, Chief Course Architect
P.S. It’s likely next week you’ll notice these emails look a little different. We’re refining our process and that will probably go live next Thursday.
CURATED LINKS
Interesting Finds
🔲 Pattern Disruption & Rewiring
- A free app created by scientists, designers, engineers, and therapists to help everyone better understand their own emotions. | How We Feel App
- This book teaches that deceptively simple technique of contemplation that completely changed my life for the better | Art of Contemplation
🔲 Navigating External Influences
- All about AI, arguably the most important topic of our future | Wait But Why
- The stoic antidote to frustration | The Marginalian