As we round the corner to Canada Day (and 4th of July for our American friends), many of us will be gathering to celebrate whatever those observances mean respectively.
However different, there’s at least one thing that will be similar for all of us. Every engagement in conversation with another human will be a roll of the dice.
One of you might spark a connection that lights up like fireworks, creating a shared moment of understanding and mutual exploration.
Or, you might end up lost in translation (even though you’re speaking the same language) feeling completely misunderstood or energetically withering away.
It may overtly fertilize the soul, or it might just smell like crap.
I don’t think it’s overreaching to say that getting into a 1:1 conversation with acquaintances, strangers, even friends and family is an act of courage. There’s always some unpredictability to engaging in conversation.
Even with the best intentions, things can get weird.
Consider something like idle chit chat. When someone is spending excessive time on topics that I feel lack substance or purpose, it’s a conscious effort for me to not slip into the embodiment of Louis CK in a little shop.
Are they aware that sometimes small talk can be a challenge for me? Of course not.
The inconvenient truth is that we all have preferred methods of communication, different interests, and varying levels of self-awareness. And I will probably write a newsletter on communication methods because that explains a lot, but today the focus is on something different.
Instead of tearing through the left-brained mechanics of communication or hoping we can just avoid our personal energy vampires this weekend, perhaps the real magic lies in how we can grow from each other through the vulnerable act of talking and listening no matter the outcome.
In short, here’s what comes to mind:
- On idle chit chat: There are actually psychological and sociological benefits to the rituals of small talk and gossip.
- On closed-minded conversations: To be in this kind of conversation is a practice of vulnerability. Am I here also to reinforce my point of view? Am I open to having my mind changed in any way? Or am I being covertly closed-minded as well?
- On long conversations: This is a practice of boundary setting. If I feel this conversation is going past its expiration date, can I excuse myself gracefully and honour my time and boundaries?
- On boring conversations: What a gift it is to be present and listen to someone instead of asking what this conversation has to offer me.
The point is, the benefits and purpose of communication can’t be reduced to simply information shared and received.
We’re constantly sending and receiving bits of ourselves and others back and forth through quantum exchange and spirit. And in the spirit of this newsletter which has the aim of helping those like myself who are interested in living life remarkably aligned redefine their way forward, it would be irresponsible not to touch on things like cultivating relationships.
This might not seem very special forces-y but I’d argue differently. What’s more important than understanding communication beyond surface level exchanges? Others are a force multiplier.
All this to say if you find yourself in conversation this long weekend, I hope you enjoy the volley despite the outcome.
You never know how you might gain an unexpected insight from the gossipy neighbor or judgy uncle, or how just attentively listening might spark something remarkable in another’s life.
Cheers,
Jeff Depatie