Last week, the SFE met for our first reunion in the mountains. We went on a massive hike, cold plunged, played like kids, had depthy conversations like men, we reminisced about The Process and laughed. We did a lot.
But there were also these profound moments of extended silence where we were just staring into the fire.
There wasn’t a need to fill the silence. We were simply a group of men being around a fire. And that doesn’t happen very often.
Personally, I felt those were some of the most memorable moments I’ll take with me after this event. The moments we were “doing nothing.”
Born into an era that values productivity over purpose, most of us have lost touch with this practice: the art of doing nothing.
Throughout history, various cultures have celebrated stillness and idleness as essential components of a meaningful life. This is more than just physical rest, I’m talking about the deeper, more comprehensive state of relaxation that affects all parts of us—physical, emotional, and mental.
The Italians have a phrase, “dolce far niente,” which translates to “the sweetness of doing nothing.”
The Taoist principle of “wu wei” loosely translates to effortless action, suggesting that the most effective way to live is to align with the natural flow of life rather than marching ahead and forcing outcomes.
But one of the biggest modern barriers to embracing idleness is the guilt or anxiousness that can come with it. While relaxing might feel like we’re wasting time or being unproductive, doing nothing is not a waste of time; it’s an investment in our felt sense of purpose and well-being.
Studies have shown that periods of idleness can:
- Boost creativity
- Enhance problem-solving abilities
- Reduce stress
- Increase emotional resilience
- Foster a sense of overall well-being
Now that’s all well and good, but do we really know how to relax?
What is relaxation even?
One way we can physiologically identify relaxation is through Heart Rate Variability (HRV). Dr. Mike T Nelson is one of the world’s leading experts on HRV and we were lucky enough to have him join us at the reunion.
HRV measures the variation in time between consecutive heartbeats. It’s controlled by the autonomic nervous system (ANS), specifically the balance between the sympathetic (fight or flight) and parasympathetic (rest and digest) branches.
Your HRV can be measured using wearable devices and apps to analyze the data.
- Higher HRV indicates greater parasympathetic activity and a more relaxed state.
- Lower HRV is associated with stress and sympathetic dominance.
It’s funny to think that relaxation might actually take some training. It sounds paradoxical. But you might need to train yourself out of overstimulation. You might need to recover from depleted energy reserves. You might need to increase your VO2 max so your resting state is more restful.
There were a few things we did at the reunion which contributed to our ability to deeply relax into those moments around the fire.
Rick Alexander led us in breath work and deep meditation, Jennifer McMaster held a restorative yoga session, Jessica Depatie served Kambo, an Amazonian frog medicine not for the faint hearted, and Dr. Mike T Nelson led us through a human optimization practice called Reflexive Performance Reset.
Without actually planning this out, the cadre contributed to the group with what else they do for a living – all of which is about realigning, balancing or relaxing the nervous system.
And that actually makes sense.
Our group tends towards above average intensity, grand adventures, high risk/reward, deep exploration. To keep ourselves vital, we need to have a practice that incorporates stillness and idleness.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. But it does require discipline until it becomes part of your lifestyle.
So I invite you to participate in a challenge: dedicate a day (or even a few hours) to doing nothing.
Spend time in nature, meditate, daydream, engage in an activity that has no practical or profitable application whatsoever.
If you’re feeling inclined to share, please respond to this email. I’d like to hear about your experiences and share them in a future newsletter.
Thanks for reading.
Cheers,
Jeff Depatie